Destruction of Government Property
by I'mstillthemockingjay
Summary: Arthur gets called in for "destroying government propert". Based off a Tumblr post.


My day was running normally, like any day of my life. I had gotten home from work and I was making dinner for me and my husband. Everything was running normally, until I suddenly received an unexpected phone call

"Yes hello is this Arthur Kirkland-Jones?" said a deep, slightly accented voice.

"Um yes. May I ask who is speaking," I asked.

"Yes I am Staff Sergeant Ludwig Beilshmidt with the US Marine Corps."

"Oh yes hello sir may I ask as to why you are calling me."

"Well you see, you are in trouble for destruction of government property."

"Excuse me sir, I'm not trying to call you or the government ridiculous, but I have done no such thing."

"Well Mr. Kirkland, it has come to my attention that your husband, Corporal Alfred Jones, has a large red marking on his neck that is clearly visible when he is in uniform."

I began to blush furiously as he said this. This "large red marking" was in fact created by me when Alfred and I had gotten a little "excited" last night. I thought I had left the bruise in a location that would be covered by his uniform, but apparently I was incorrect in assuming this.

"Oh, well um, I suppose the bruise is my fault but I'm not quite sure as to why I'm getting into trouble for this."

"Yes I understand that you may be slightly confused, but Mr. Kirkland Jones, you have to comprehend that when your husband became part of the military he became government property, therefore any markings that are not normally present on his skin will in fact be questioned,"

"Well yes sir I understand that, but I don't believe that something as simple as a small, um love bite per say, should be considered destruction of government property.

"Yea I see, but before we continue on our our conversation I must inform you that you are to report to base in two hours for questioning."

"Oh um ok sir, I understand, I'll be their soon enough."

With this I hung up the phone and laughed. I couldn't believe that I was in trouble for giving my husband a hickey.

I figured that I might as well listen for once in my life and go report to base. After a relatively short drive I arrived and was sent to a small building. I was greeting by some military officials and sent into a room. When I entered the room I was greeted by a familiar face.

"Artie, babe, I can't believe they actually made you come here, This is crazy," Alfred said as he got up form the chair he was sitting in and came to greet me.

"Corporal Jones, I am going to have to ask you to sit down and not speak to Mr. Kirkland-Jones until we are done here." said the voice I heard on the phone, which now had a face. He was a tall man with slicked back blonde hair and blue eyes that seemed to have a slightly lighter color than Alfred's eyes.

"Sir, with all due respect, I think this is ridiculous. My partner should not be questioned for accidentally leaving a mark that shows his love and affection for me in a slightly visible place." replied Alfred as he walked back to his chair.

"Yes I understand, but it is simply protocol to not allow you to speak to him."

I heard Alfred mutter, "fuck the protocol" as he sat down After a few minutes of awkward silence there was knock on the door. Beilshmidt got up and answered the door.

"Ahh hello Sergeant Hederavary.

"Yes good afternoon Staff Sergeant Beilshmidt" said the woman as she pulled up a chair and sat across from me. She arranged her things and began to talk.

"Good afternoon gentleman." The woman said to Alfred and me,"I am Sergeant Elizaveta Hederavary. During this questioning session you will refer to me as ma'm and only answer questions until i am done speaking ."

"Oh come on Liz. Is this completely necessary." whined Alfred

"That is Sergeant Hederavary to you Corporal Jones," she said sharply.

"Yes ma'm," Alfred replied quietly.

"Alright Mr. Kirkland-Jones," said Sergeant Hederavary as she smiled at me ," this should be quite simple if you respond honestly to everything I say."

"Um yes m'am," I replied.

"Alright then, let's begin. Were you and Corporal Jones together last night."

"Yes we were"

"Thank you, were you and Corporal Jones in fact intimate last night," she asked with a completely straight face.

"I don't know why this is a necessary thing to do!" Alfred yelled as he stood up.

"Corporal Jones I am going to ask you to sit down and please not interrupt again," said Staff Sergeant Beilshmidt.

"Ugh yes sir," Alfred replied as he reluctantly say down again.

"Um, Sergeant Hederavary," I said quietly, "in response to your question the answer is yes"

"Oh thank you Mr. Kirkland-Jones. Last night, during your intimate relations with Corporal Jones, did you give him the red marking on his neck, and if you did how did you do it."

"Oh well yes I did and well um we were kissing and then I detached from him and began to suck on the spot on his neck and ended up leaving a marking," I said as huge blush crept onto my cheeks.

"Ok thank you Mr. Kirkland-Jones," she said as she wrote some things down on a clip board she had.

"Your welcome m'am."

"Phew, enough of that," Elizaveta said as she removed her cap, " Alright Jones I have to tell you this pretty damn hilarious, and I think what makes it even better is that this isn't the first time it's happened, right Beilshmidt."

Sergeant Beilshmidt blushed and replied,"Oh yeah."

"Aww come on Beilshmidt don't be shy tell them what happened," Elizaveta said with a sly grin.

"Oh well it was pretty much the same situation. My husband Feliciano left multiple markings along my neck and he was called in of questioning, but in the end no action was taken, which is what will most likely happen with you two," Beilshmidt replied with a smile aimed at and Alfred.

"So if Artie's probably not going to get into trouble was this just some huge bull shit that's meant to like scare him or something," Alfred said to Elizaveta and Ludwig with a chuckle.

"Well no it is protocol to question anyone who seems to have done 'harm' to one of us, but I suppose it can be seen as a way to warn civilians to not leave marks in visible locations," Elizaveta said.

"Anyway you are free to go home for the day Jones and Arthur you'll receive a call in a few days informing you that everything is ok and to not do anything like this again," said Belishmidt.

"Oh ok thank you Staff Sergeant Beilshmidt and Sergeant Hederavary," I said as I extended my hand to shake their hands.

"No Arthur none of that you can call me Ludwig," he said as he took my hand.

"Yeah Arthur you can call me Liz," she said as she shook my hand after Ludwig let go of it.

"Oh ok thank you Ludwig and Liz."

"Alright I still can't believe they made him come down here for all this bull shit,"

"That is Sergeant Hederavary and Staff Sergeant Beilshmidt to you Jones." Liz said sternly

"Yes m'am," Alfred replied as he hastily lifted his hand up to his brow to salute them.

"Oh I'm just busting your balls Jones, put you hand down. Anyway you two lovebirds can get your asses home now." Liz said with a smile. After a we said our goodbyes and shared a few more laughs Alfred and I went to our cars.

"I still can't believe they made you do this shit baby," Alfred huffed as he pulled me into a hug.

"No it's ok love it's all part of the protocol," I replied with a chuckle.

"Oh fuck you babe," Alfred said as he swatted at my back.

"No problem love," I said as I pulled him in for a kiss.

A/n: Hey guys I've been gone for like forever but yeah I hope you enjoyed this story. It was based off a post by narutowiener. Anyway thank you for reading!


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